I’m here now, at my work site. I’m late, by my standards, but it’s only five forty five and I’m the only one here. I’m asked all the time; why I get up so early in the morning. I remember indulging in polite conversation, with a guy at a bar, and he mentioned getting up every morning at what I thought was an ungodly hour. He was an artist. I asked him why so early. He said that sleep was over rated and that his creative genius soared when the rest of the world was still asleep. Some things you never forget. I took his philosophy to heart, experimented, and found myself more productive early rather than late. I discovered I’m a morning person.
The truth of the matter is…I have a life outside of a three sided cubicle, so I get in early, so I can get out early.
I log in and sit back, thinking of what I need from this day. I need to write, I need to make room for my passion, and I need to get my employer’s work done, so I can sneak in a few hours writing.
The fire within me is dying to get out and I am afraid it will be doused by the rigors of life. But, I’m confined for the next eight hours – three of which I will write. I have learned not to let the right hand know what the left hand is doing. I have learned to pretend I’m busy, even when I’m all caught up, so they don’t give me someone else’s work to do. I’m making sure I get out of this day what I need, while fulfilling my obligation as an average person would do. But, I’m not average.
I’m a lover and observer of people. People are fascinating creatures, full of you know what most of the time, yet pretentious though not easily persuaded outside of their comfort zones. Opposite of most of the people I interact with; I graciously push them into examining what they think and why they think it, so I can gauge how I’m doing. Humanity teaches me something about life every day. Sometimes it teaches me how much of a monster man can be to man.
Life presents many opportunities; you just have to know which ones to take advantage of and which opportunities to ignore or just say no to. Important decision making can be a daunting task, and procrastinating won’t make the decision any easier when force to confront it. I’ve never been one to blame my failings on someone else. I’m sure most of my past decisions got me to this point, because I went right when some of my friends went left and fell into a ditch.
Some of my friends became hooked on drugs or alcohol, and a few did time in the penitentiary for passing worthless checks and selling weed. I use to know someone, in South Carolina, who murdered a college student, did time, and as far as I know is probably walking the avenues of Columbia, South Carolina right now.
They say association brings on assimilation but I never wanted to be controlled by anybody or anything. So even though I knew pimps and hookers; I always had sense enough to know when to say no. Back then, people respected decisions and never tried to force anything on anybody. It was peace, love, and let live. So, I know my choices and God’s grace is what kept me out of trouble.
You see, I did everything my parents told me to do. I got good grades and, graduated high school in the top ten of my class, and I’ve always tried to do the right thing, because I never want to say I’m sorry.
But, the economy has changed. Resources are scarce and employment is unstable. Long gone are the days when you could quit a job one week and have another job a week later. The system our parents depended on and pushed us into has deteriorated and the majority of Americans are the middle class working poor. We live from pay check to pay check and are about three paychecks from foreclosure. It’s an employer’s market now and a college degree doesn’t guarantee a foot in the door anymore.
I’ve run the gauntlet and decided to take my life to another level by using my mind as a springboard to creating the life I’ve always wanted to have, and I will do it on my terms.
Now, just having a job isn’t enough. No one retires after twenty or thirty years with the same company anymore. My parents didn’t know enough to steer me into the pursuit of my dream. It has taken years of getting to know myself for me to come to the realization that we are all pawns on someone else’s chest board, and unless you take a leap of faith and jump off, all you will do is work and die.
It’s strange how opportunities come when trying to focus on the life you dream of. For me it became a choice of holding onto a job, making good money, or making my dream a reality. Sometimes holding onto a job is like counting sheep. You fall asleep and the life you really want fades into the background, until corporate realities surface in the form of layoffs or reorganizations. I am not being smug when I say money isn’t everything, especially in the twenty first century. But, when my true calling made its presence profound; there was nothing I could do but resign from my job and move forward. Opportunities tied to the pursuit of money decrease creativity, opportunities tied to the pursuit of dreams will give you your heart’s desire.
I kept coming back to my life’s passion. A passion I’ve worked on for at least twenty years. Did it take all that time for me to become who I am today? I think so. So now, after all these years working for someone else and earning a wage, I know a job was not the answer for me. I got caught up in a detour that took twenty plus years to get out of. Material things got in the way, tied me up, held me hostage, and almost changed my life forever. I got off the exit ramp and I am determined to make a positive difference by any means necessary.
The temptation to give up, go with the herd, and listen to the hype of resigning myself to a life of quiet desperation leaves me restless and thinking this can’t be all there is for living life. I sort past people, events, unseen forces, detours, and guilt trips. Few people understand the choices that must be made to get out of the rat race until they too have dreamt of true freedom. It’s life changing, but lonely too.
The kingdom within is more powerful and thought provoking than any man or woman can imagine. The life force called intuition steers me onward through self-doubts. I put one foot in front of the other not knowing where I will end up…just knowing that if I don’t keep moving forward the repercussions and regrets will haunt me for the rest of my life.
I know deep within my heart that riches beyond measure await me in this life and the next. Discipline is the key to unlocking all God means to give me.
The energy generated in each day must be used to the fullest anyway I can. The demands of this busy planet will not consume me. I must cast off negative, washed up, compassionless, people who feel they must tune into the noisy desperation that feeds their spirit.
Slow down and let the herd go past you. There is safety in number, but not in a pack mentality that keeps us in a time warp disguised as added value. Are we feeding upon ourselves?
The older I get, the more I value life with a healthy respect for its short span. I am convinced and convicted that no human being will exercise control over what future I have left. I must be about my Father’s business with due diligence as snares appearing to have my best interest at heart materialize.
At some point; I think we should become selfish, head strong, taking no prisoners, and allowing only what is relevant to our mission to seep through.
Staying on the right course is hard to maintain. External and internal forces, positive and negative, attract our attention for days, months, years. When hungry for a way out of the rat race, we derail ourselves thinking we can help God out. Sometimes we find ourselves in derailments meant to lead us to the promise land. Sometimes we derail when in our gut we already know our gift.
When we know our gift; we must not question or take counsel from those more interested in their mission than ours.
If Jesus could walk the walk, talk the talk, all the time knowing he was sinless, but would die for our sins, then why do we snuff out own spirits seeking treasures that deplete our spirituality.
I’m tired of being tired and finally realize it’s now or never. I got off the merry go round and am acclimating myself to living the life I was meant to have twenty years ago. Change your life while you can!
Enough day dreaming, it’s time to get back to work.
bevsangle 